girl-aflame's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Not Fire Nor Ice My roommate insists on constantly leaving the window open, which unnerves me. I feel like someone will be watching me. But she wants her mango plant to get light at dawn, when she is not awake to open the blinds. So we leave them open, day and night, night and day. Grr. At least it makes masturbating hotter. Last night we went out for a girl's night out. I had more fun than I have had in months. We had many random adventures, the most fun of which involved some old coupe car, perfect and white and classic, and a weird 40something man in white country club attire, who looked as though he would like to steer the car through serpentine mountain paths high above crashing waves on a narrow beach. He said his name was Todd and had a laugh in his eyes when I saucily told him that I was a psychology major and had him pinned down - he was speaking out of a need for attention. Then he told me to "hop in" and we'd take her for a spin, and so I posed for a picture in the car which I later discovered was not even his - and just as the flash went off, he leaned over to kiss me on my cheek, much to my giggly chagrin. I told Brandon the story but left out the kiss, for fear that he would blame me instead. And here is the quandry: when I hear love songs, I try to fit him into them, in my mental picture of these grand gestures of deep, undying love... ...but the face that keeps coming up is not his. (I don't suppose I have to tell you whose face it is) And yet, at the moment, things are fine. We just went through another purging catharsis and refitted our resolve for the long ride, and our weekend went off without any fights, something that recently seems to have no precedent. But the way he cannot laugh with me about my adventures apart from him, and I almost feel as if he resents them or is jealous of them, the way he sees danger in the world where I see thrills, the way he does not say what I wish he would without having to be prompted for every word, the way he shuts himself in to the world and does not challenge it... *sighs* Oh diary, I just don't know. PS - the reason I locked this is because I am pretty sure he was reading it. At any rate he googled for it. 11:18 p.m. - Monday, Mar. 14, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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