girl-aflame's Diaryland Diary

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Hello, Darkness, My Old Friend

Hello
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone home?
Come on, now
I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again
Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb

Hello Diaryland.

I debated on writing this all week. One, because I wanted to keep it an archive to another lifetime. To another me. I’m not that girl anymore, burning and burning without end.

Oh, I still feel fires at times, but these days they’re more warm comfort than unchecked destruction.

It’s been ages since I wrote any poetry, I’m sad to say. It seems I had to breakup with my Muse to get the happy ending I was always wishing for.

Except it wasn’t across the ocean. It was in my own backyard, just like Dorothy always said it would be. I went back to Kansas, back to black and white and left the technicolor fever dream of youth behind me.

But, if anyone who ever knew me when I was so full of conflict and contradiction sees this, I want you to know that I made it out. I’m happy, truly happy. Not happy every moment. It doesn’t happen like that outside of the story books. But happy. In love with the one I married (Bradley), doing the career I always saw myself doing. I got the education I was so desperate for. I found the financial stability I never knew growing up.

And still some coincidences now and then, to let me know I’m on the right path.

It was all worth it, in the end.

11:46 p.m. - Friday, Jan. 27, 2023

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