girl-aflame's Diaryland Diary

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Springs Eternal

Yesterday when Brian came to see me, I was reminded of these lyrics:

This morning I woke up alone
Found a note standing by the phone
Saying "Maybe, maybe I'll be back someday"
I wanted to look for you
You walked in, I didn't know just what
I should do
So I sat back down and had a beer
and felt sorry for myself

It's strange, because I always feel like I'm the one that causes our problems, but by this time, by all the stuff we've gone through, sometimes it was him closing his heart to me. I told him how I was frightened that he was walking away again, that I never know what to think any more. He said he knew what I meant and that we should try to wipe that out between us because "we are worth it."

It's unbelieveable, sometimes, the cohesion of a relationship. I think it's bigger than either of the two people in it. There is some force that pulls and pushes people together, some energy that binds them together beyond anything they ever thought they had the strength for. I know it's true because I've been pulled back to Michael so many times, mine and Jayme's relationship was spared after all hope had been lost, and Brian... Brian. It's intense, all the things we've seen together. All the dark days we've lived through, the perennial nature of our dreams.

Who am I to declare victory or defeat? Who am I to take the universe into my mortal palms? I cannot question my fate, minions, I can only follow where it may lead.

6:24 p.m. - Saturday, Aug. 09, 2003

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