girl-aflame's Diaryland Diary

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First Promise

I don't have so much to say, only that I enjoyed Guy's visit immensely. He called me today at about 10 o'clock and we went to brunch together. After brunch Yancey was still asleep (Guy slept in his room last night) so we just took a walk around the lake... sat in the rose garden a while more, and sat in my room some. We talked some, and held onto each other a lot.

God, I love his affection. It's sweet and soft, and tender, and absolutely without pretense. The only thing I removed with him was my glasses, and that's one of the reasons why I love him. I feel absolutely safe when I'm with Guy, warm and comforted and loved. Not in the complete eclipsing way that Brian loved[s] me, but in the way that I am needed, that I am giving Guy something he doesn't get anywhere else, and I do feel I am being accepted by it.

He thanked me for everything I have done for him; I told him no thanks were necessary, that I did it because I cared about him and he said it was all the more reason to be thankful. "I love you," he said, "And I'll always love you." I wonder at that, but he is a sweet and precious boy and I know that if that is to be true, it will partly be my responsibility to make true. If I don't hurt him, perhaps he will always love me, even when it is outside the context of a relationship. I don't want to hurt him minions, I truly don't.

He said I was wonderful. "So are you," I said. "Thank you, but--" And I shhhed him, my finger to his lips and a kiss on his cheek. "No disagreeing. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." He chuckled and pulled me closer to him. He also told me that I was beautiful, and what could I say in reply to that but what I have told you, diary, so many many times, which is that he is a lovely, precious boy and he will never know how much I adore him.

That's probably true minions, but he said what he did know was how thankful he was for me, and it is also probably true that I might never realize just how much.

Your heart is a fist
Clenched tightly around
Some secret coin
That would not fit
The shape of my pockets.
But someday the coin
Will long to be spent
In exchange for the wealth
Of fire,
For you also are Achilles,
You also are Prometheus,
And I am your ironic Echo;
The last word was lost
Before the song began,
But the first word
Was forever, will ever be
Yours,
Mine.

6:44 p.m. - Saturday, Nov. 08, 2003

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